Like pastry you flake, fall off my plate,
As I crumble and begin to disintegrate.
You peel yourself off out of my clasp,
Slipping through my fingers from my desperate grasp.
You are abstract, a concept I can’t reach,
A fairweather friend, a self-centred leech.
You take all you can get but give nothing in return,
Use me to the very end until my embers smoke and burn.
You’ve stolen my essence, my soul and my heart,
Burst open my seams, ripped me wholly apart.
What makes life crap? It’s other people,
The phonies, the fakers, the timid young sheeple.
Theyre the tourists who stop to chat at the bottom of some stairs,
They’re the double pram mummies who travel in pairs.
They’re the smartphone twitchers with no volume control,
They’re the laissez faire shoppers on a very gentle stroll.
And they don’t seem to see my vitriol and rage,
As I try to hustle through their hordes while trying to remain sage.
A sense of excitement ripples and rises, as my emotion rides high and my misery capsizes.
I gaze up and praise, and start to count down the days – 280 in all – as my pace begins to quicken and I feel like a fool.
And then I’m not, my chance has fired and shot, and it begins again, the return of an unwelcome friend.
Because it doesn’t matter how many tickets I buy, how many desperate tears I cry, I can’t seem to get hold of that prize,
The odds aren’t in my favour, the house never lies.
I eye up the shiny ribbon and long to claim it as my own, a gift wrapped in terry towels, made from our own flesh and bone.
Like a defective compass, I don’t know where to turn,
Which direction to go down, which path to spurn.
I’m in a downward spiral, a maze of my own making,
Trapped by fear, though a route’s there for the taking.
Directionless, aimless, I plod along with no end in sight,
With no straight tunnel nor aspiring white light.
I dream of having a dream, a clear-cut trail
A way out, an exit where I succeed not fail.
Like a river, life meanders past
As I sit lonesome on the bankside, my mentality in cast.
New beginnings grow all around,
as wilted, jilted, envy and spite me surround.
I watch on as if behind one-way glass,
Pained at the sight of happiness frolic on the grass.
Misery envelops me into a solitary cocoon,
Bursting under a pressure like a weathered balloon.
The joies de vivre pass me by,
As just the shadows stop to comfort as I cry.
My mother, my giver of life,
who toiled alone through every strife,
to keep me clothed, warm and fed,
and safe and sound up in my bed.
Like a flower, she has nurtured and helped me grow,
With every compliment and gesture she did sow.
I now stand tall through every wind and drought,
because she always ensured I never went without.
The connection dies, the dialling tone sounds off,
As you switch your attention and feign a sick cough.
‘I better go now, your dad needs help,
There’s someone at the door, can’t you hear the dog yelp?’
But before I utter a despondent ‘okay’,
The light turns off and the screen turns grey.
I’m back here alone, with no welcome voice to hear,
Back to my world, plagued with self-doubt and fear.
A nation cries and publicly mourns,
As evil prevails and terror spawns.
Driven through hate to the senseless slaughter
Of a husband, a son and a beloved daughter.
But in vain these wicked traitors fight,
as united, together like a kite
we will rise above their evil acts,
with faith and strength firmly in tact.
Their weapons are feeble, their aims untenable,
Their bid to overpower can never knock or unstable.
This House is built on foundations of love, United in grief for a dutiful Guv.
It works like clockwork, the only constant in my life,
That pierces my hopes like a blade of the knife.
Rejection comes of both the body and mind,
As nature dictates my nose back on the grind.
I sit in despair, an empty embrace,
The sting of disappointment runs down my wet face.
But I’ll plaster on a smile, wipe envy from my eyes,
As I nod politely while my soul inside cries.
I sit, teeth clenched, trembling in my chair,
As dappled ceiling tiles above catch my terrified glare.
Blinking, light bulbs temporarily blind,
While my knuckles whiten and jaw starts to grind.
As injection after injection fill my pin cushion gums,
I squirm and wriggle as my nerve slowly numbs.
He draws closer, the sadist dentist with his deafening drill,
As I beg to be put under with every gas, air and pill.
I start to choke as I regret every treat,
Every drip of cider, every chocolate and sweet.
As one by one, my rotten teeth fill up with incurable holes,
Ravaged like a lawn full of ravenous moles.
But despite all his pleas to give up sugar quick,
I will keep satisfying my sweet tooth with every lolly that I lick.
I won’t learn my lesson and remember this fateful day,
Until four months later where again here, I’ll lay.